So when a male and a female go out for dinner together, who pays? Should the girl be the demure lady and let the man pay? Or should the girls offer to pay for the whole meal? Or would “going dutch” be the best option? This may be a form of communication as could different options actually convey different meanings?
Probably in the past, men are obliged to pay for the meal if a man and woman went out to a meal together. But gradually, as women attain the same social status and equal rights as men; do women feel the social pressure to offer to pay for the meal too?
If a woman were to offer to pay for the whole meal, would the man feel offended? Just like the woman might seem to be asserting her “feminist values” on a man and imply that she was not earning a lesser paycheck than the man?
If a man were to pay for a meal, how long should he continue paying for all the meals? And would that suggest that a woman is weaker and dependable on the man?
So “going Dutch” does seem to be the best option out of all. However, what are the probable signals that this option might convey? That sharing the tab with a man might mean that the female is hinting that they are just friends and any opportunities for further relationship development would be lost?
But to me, my solution would be if someone pays this time, I will gratefully accept it and offer to pay for the next meal out together; or sometimes I will share the bill; or sometimes pay for the whole meal when I am feeling rich. Not only in the aspect of the dating issue, but also with friends and families or colleagues as well. Thus, maybe no more guessing game of what the conveyed message meant. What do you think? =)
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Hi Huiwen!
ReplyDeleteI was actually thinking about this topic not too long ago and your post presented all the interesting scenarios that could possibly happen.
For me, it would depend on whether this meal was considered a date. If it was a first date, I would normally let the man pay, and then I'll offer to pay for the next meal. I believe that both parties should take turns to pay for meals , especially if they were a couple. Letting the man pay for everything all the time would not only take a toil on him finanacially, it would also make the woman seem weak and dependent.
If it was not a date or if it was not specified, I would offer to go dutch and pay for my share of the meal. If the man is persistent on paying for me, I would accept only if I was interested in developing any form of relationship with him. If I was only interested in being friends, I would insist on paying for my portion.
Like you mentioned, women nowadays are gaining equal social status as men and are earning decently as compared to a man. I believe that women should thus be independent and not leech of a man especially in this modern period where they are perfectly capable of providing for themselves. Instead, couples should share any form of financial burden.
Overall, I think your post gave a good insight to this issue!
Cheers,
Shu Ting
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ReplyDeleteHey Hui Wen,
ReplyDeleteAn interesting topic to discuss i must say, something close to heart..A well-written post...Well, this sticky situation rises whenever a couple goes out on a date. The article that comes to my mind is an article from the Cleo’s magazine “ Pay your half, Princess!” The article is about the opinions of guys when it comes to footing the bill. The title itself shows what the guys want. I guess who foots the bill depends on the nature of the occasion. If it’s the girl’s birthday, then the guy should foot the bill and vice versa.
However, for normal dates, both should foot the bill. In an era whereby equal rights are given to women, the norm of guys footing the bill is no longer valid. However, there are some guys who tend to have big egos and feel insulted when the girl initiates to pay for the bill as it makes it look like they do not have enough cash to pay for the meal. On the contradictory, some modern guys have no problem in making the girls foot the whole bill.
Whatever the situation might be, the girls should always take the initiative in splitting the cost instead of burdening the guys with the entire bill. It will certainly help to reduce the financial burden of the guys.
Cheers,
Rathi
Hi Huiwen,
ReplyDeleteThis is a classical problem, but it is quite well-written. I especially like the first sentence which immediately captures the attention of the reader as a provocative question.
I would say that there really is not answer to whether the guy or the girl should pay or even “going Dutch”. It probably depends on the situation and the relationships between the two people, which Shu Ting covered pretty well.
Interestingly, while we usually try to convey clear messages in our communications in formal situations, in informal situations sometimes part of the fun, especially in dating, is in conveying messages with mixed meanings just to leave the other party guessing and to see how he or she would react.
Regards,
Nicholas
Hi Huiwen,
ReplyDeleteA well-written post! You describe the situation very clearly.
In my point of view, there are basically three different scenarios which associate different solutions. First, if a man and a woman just know each other. The man should pay for dinner, because the man needs to impress this lady and the lady will think she is being well-treated. Besides, it is also a tradition, even a manner in some countries, that a man pay a meal.
Second, a man and a woman are just friends, but are very familiar with each other and meet regularly. When they go out for a dinner, they can just go Dutch without any consideration. no one feels uncomfortable.
Third, they are in relationship, which is the most complex scenario. I do not have such experience, but to my understanding, there are different types of women, some of who like the feel of relying on men, but some of who prefer to be independable. A smart guy will identify characteristics of his girl and decide "going Dutch" or pay the whole bill.
Cheers,
Chen Zhi